An Impression.

At the start of the year, you began to notice a person.

You only had a faint impression of him: quiet, a year older, played in the same ensemble as you did. Slightly petite, just slightly. 

You started to say hi to him when you walked pass each other on campus.

Due to some reason, you began to find his smile quite charming.

Yet the impression was still slight. 

As winter arrived, he and you happened to be in the same afternoon activity.

You would see him almost everyday for the next three months or so.

That notion made you quite happy. 

Day by day, you began to realize what a talented drummer he was. You were always attracted to musicians, in particular guitarists and drummers. He qualified both criteria.
At that time, you thought you liked this other tall, awkward-looking guy. 
You thought you could never like someone shorter than you.
Yet that impression started to change.

While you continued to fool yourself that you liked the other tall guy, subconsciously you began to do little things to please him.
You started to bring snacks to rehearsal everyday. Seriously, he was almost nineteen years old. You worried that he would find your act of kindness ridiculous.
Yet he loved those snacks, so you continued.
You started to chat with him, getting to know his amiable, unassuming personality.
At that moment, it was no longer just a faint impression.

As the winter season came close to the end, you realized how much you enjoyed playing music with him.
It was probably only in your head, but there was good chemistry between the two of you.
You found it embarrassing how his drum solo made your heart skipped so many beats. Luckily you didn't miss any cues during the show.
Finally, you decided that height was not going to stop you from liking someone.
 The winter season was the best season yet at your school. The show's success and camaraderie all contributed to that ever-deepening impression.
Yet all good things come to an end.

After the winter season, you barely saw him at school.

Different grade, different social group, different everything. You realized that he was basically a stranger. 

Yet the impression had already burned in the back of your mind.

You began to fret, worried that he would forget about you. Three months really wasn't that long, and he might not treasured the time spent together as much as you did.

You tried to reconnect with him. Unfortunately, he wasn't much of an instant-message person.

You were discouraged countless times, but something kept you going.

Time flies. He was going to graduate in a month.

Your ridiculous little heart was in a turmoil. You couldn't focus on your studies, but SATs and APs were coming up.

You knew it would be better if you let the feeling go, but your stubbornness wouldn't allow you.

Your friend suggested you to be honest with him. Everything has its first time. You have to have a little experience before you go to college anyway. 

So you wrote a letter. You ambushed him on his way to class.

His facial expression clearly showed he knew what you were up to. You fled after handing him the letter.

It wasn't hard to guess his reply. Only a fool as hopelessly hopeful and idealistic like you would say yes. 

 The impression changed. Sadness, bitterness, and anger clouded your mind.

Were you not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not talented enough? 

It was probably because of your height. You're a giant.

You never thought of a day that you would cry so many times for a boy.

You were afraid that this newly established friendship would shatter. so you continued to message him.

He kept his words; he didn't ignore nor avoid you. You couldn't believe how a person could be so nice. 

He used to find it unnecessary to reply you every time, but something changed after you confessed.

You liked it better that way.

It was the weekend before graduation.

Obviously, no miracle was going to happen. Yet you still persisted. Blindly, headstrongly. 

He left and incredibly strong impression on you. You wanted to do the same to him, but it was difficult. 

You have always lacked confidence. You thought you were no where near as captivating as his Berklee-to-be friend. But you still wanted to impress him.

You made sure he would go to your dance concert. You went all out and performed hard, for both yourself and him.

You hope he was at least a little surprised by this other side of you. Maybe a little bit of you burned in his mind, but you couldn't tell. He was good at concealing his feelings.

 It was the day of graduation.

You handed him a rather questionable gift bag.

"Are these fireworks?" He joked. Of course not, you tried to wrap them up nicely. 

Sentimental girl, you cried many times that day. Tears appeared again when you saw his text; the very first time he had ever replied your text. 

He really liked the gift.

That was exactly what you wanted to hear from the drummer boy.

The initial faint impression grew into a strong attachment.

You hoped that feeling could be mutual, even just the slightest. 

That was why you spent three hours drawing a card for his birthday. 

That was why you performed so hard on stage.

That was why you bought him a pair of glowing drumsticks in Las Vegas for his graduation. 

You desperately wanted to leave an impression before he departed. You wanted to show that you care way too much about him.

You really hope he feels that impression, too.

It has been over two weeks since you last saw him. You miss him dearly. 

You worry that the distance between you two will kill your friendship. He might no longer care about you at all.

You want to message him everyday, but you don't want to latch onto him like a crazy clingy lady.

You want to tell him that you miss him, but you think he might not want to know that you still like him.

You wrote this whole thing down for this blog, because you just wanted to say...

"I miss you."